I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
