Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
