Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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