Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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