She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love having hate sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
