Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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