if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
4 words: hood of his car
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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