my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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