i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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