Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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