I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
