I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
