dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
