fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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