it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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