I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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