the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
