yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
