# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
