I looked at my own cervix.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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