So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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