If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
