genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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