marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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