I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
