Umm I'm too high to move.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
