i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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