my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Mom said you looked used
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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