even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
