so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize