I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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