I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
