I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
