All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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