Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize