Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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