i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
