Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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