Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
