I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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