when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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