He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm too high and old for this...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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