how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
