Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MIDGETS
????
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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