i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
