in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
