Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
