maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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