someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize