Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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