Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
