I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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