Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.