if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.