Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
