my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.