Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!