I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.