OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?