i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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