I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
