Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
