me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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