we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
