I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
