dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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