I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
