that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
