He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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